Order of Service
Tribute to Jonathan read out at the service
Written by Helen – Jonathan’s friend of approx 18 years who lives in London. Despite the distance they became good friends. Helen wrote this as an adaptation of ‘True Colours’ – the Cindy Lauper song.
You with the sad eyes
Jonathan, my treasured friend. I know you despaired and felt unheard.
On some days, too many days it took so much courage to keep going.
And you felt so alone.
It wasn’t often I saw you smile.
But I knew you had your passions and you were kind.
Dear Rex and Alfie you nurtured like a father.
Rex was transformed in your care.
You longed for a family of your own, but it seemed so hard to feel safe and to feel accepted by people. I hope you knew that I, we accepted you. We loved you, we still do.
You had so many sides, you were bright, gentle, loving and understanding.
You were practical, you could ‘fix things’.
You were also sad and despairing.
These were your true colours – all of them were beautiful.
Megan’s Eulogy
Jonathan was only a little younger than myself, so I had him as a brother virtually all my life.
Missing him dearly, at this moment of sadness, he had developed a very supportive and dependable personality, despite the depression he had been going through.
Jonathan, was like no other, because of the immense way he would go out of the way to aid in your cause. He wouldn’t just respond, and collaborate ideas, but he would go in depth behind the scenes and work on things to help me. But it is specialist expertise through his intelligence and research that sets him apart and which made him a special brother where I could feel his support when not even in the vicinity.
That support was even more strongly emotionally felt in his presence, which had grown very strong in recent years. I miss this presence when I’d know Jonathan was around when his dog would charge in front of him, a rustle or two, and objects falling over. Admittedly, in his presence, many a time it could be difficult to get a conversation, though he always felt heart-warming and I would feel that he was going to say something unique, or have something creative on his mind.
When he did get into discussion though, it was truly remarkable, for I’d be amazed with the amount specialist information he had and references to things to help me, and I always wondered where he got it from and how he did it. It wasn’t just to do with computers or the internet, but on virtually anything – he’d have something magical to say.
To this end, although we’re deeply saddened over his loss, he is still felt with the imaginative, unique and unwavering support he gave.
Order of Service
Torsten’s Eulogy
From time to time, I come across sayings, or mottos, or inspirational quotes that people live their lives by. I’m not a person who religiously lives by these things, but I often think that a particular saying, or phrase, promotes a really positive way of thinking. I like that.
When I heard of Jonathan’s passing, I had no idea how I would react and I don’t think there is a blueprint of how to react. But amongst the initial shock and sadness of this news, one of these sayings came into my mind out of nowhere and it must have been within 30 minutes. This was the idea that we stop viewing things in life as winning and losing, but winning and learning – so if we don’t have success, we learn and better ourselves, such that we succeed in the future.
So I challenged myself in the most tragic of losses is there a lesson to be learned? Ever since this moment, I’ve thought to the future and I’ve come across many lessons Jonathan’s life has taught me.
The most prominent of these lessons comes from his battle with depression. Depression has a very unique attribute, unlike other illnesses, like cancer, meningitis, leukaemia. We’ve all had moments where stress, anxiety and nerves have got the better of us – we’re at the lowest of lows and we can no longer think clearly, or with logic – and it cripples you for that moment – you are no longer yourself.
Unfortunately for Jonathan, these were not just moments, but more prolonged periods of time. Now in these moments, we isolate ourselves and shut off from the rest of the world. Not only do we not seek help from a friend, or a loved one, but we reject it and this is the true evil of depression.
In men especially, this is a massive issue. We let our pride and our ego get in the way of saying – I’m not OK. And on the other side we shudder and cringe if we are asked to offer help – often providing a mere distraction, rather than helping solve one another’s problems.
And this is what I’ve learned. We’ve created a society where it is an embarrassment to ask for help. That we feel self-conscious that we are weak if we cannot handle our issues alone. This society and this way of thinking is the illness. The cure isn’t found in billions of pounds of research in doctors laboratories, it’s with all of us to buck the trend, overhaul this Neanderthal , singular way of thinking and establish a society where it’s OK and the norm to say “…hey, I don’t feel OK today”.
We must learn that sharing our problems is OK. We’re all surrounded by friends, family and loved ones today and we can confide in each other, knowing we all have that network of support.
Off the back of this lesson, I realised it’s one thing to say “I’ve learned something today” but another thing to put it into practice. So I have a challenge for you all. Unfortunately, the world isn’t a rosey place and some of us, probably all of us, will go through more of these moments where we feel down. But my challenge for you, as was Jonathan’s challenge, is to share your problem, ask for help. Be a stronger man, leave your ego behind.
If we do this and not just say it, we can set a trend and share the message that it’s OK to share and hopefully people can suffer less.
Life is not a single player game – it’s a team game!
With all the lessons Jonathan has taught us, tomorrow we can win!
Because of these lessons, Jonathan will be a part of all our future successes!
This is the last photo of Jonathan we have found. It’s a selfie taken on 24th July 2017 while he was out walking with Rex by the river Dart.
Farewell Jonathan
There are two worlds – this one and the next and they never touch, always keeping a mysterious distance apart, so we don’t quite know what to expect. In the early hours of November 14th the dark cold rain in Jonathan’s life was transcended into the next world of endless warmth and bright sunshine and we know that beautiful rainbows occur when sunshine meets rain…….. We can see that rainbow, but we can never get close, or ever touch it.
It’s not a physical thing, and yet there it is, so maybe, just maybe, when those two worlds are very close, a rainbow appears and when it does, we’ll think of you Jonathan.
Jonathan has left his mortal frame and his spirit has now flown, and so we say farewell, Jonathan, our beloved son, a brother to Megan, Lewis and Torsten, an uncle to Aidan and Connor, a nephew, a cousin, a friend a work colleague and a beautiful person.
Be in peace, now and forever.
Jonathan’s Ashes
We scattered Jonathan’s ashes here at one of his favorite secluded spots. About 100 metres long the river bank from the ferry quay and in the side of the bank we put a little china figure of an angel and next to that in a crevice are a few poems in a plastic folder.